Pagan at Heart

At peace with myself and the world… or at least headed that way

Archive for the tag “balance”

Reclaiming the Divine

While meditating yesterday, I was drawn to focus on the image of a woman – the Goddess. She was smiling; I sensed that she was extending her hands to me she might teach me. As I took her hand, I saw the image of a man – the God – standing in the shadows. He too had a warm smile on his face, but he did not make any movement toward me. He nodded at me and seemed to tell me that he was content to wait until I was ready to seek him out. And then the vision was gone.

My background is dominated by patriarchal religious fundamentalism of the Baptist flavor. Men are venerated over women in the Bible, which is a reflection of the people who wrote it. This way of life – patriarchy – was taught to me at church, at the school I attended from K-4 through 12th grade, and at the Baptist college I attended. The god of the Bible is male, and boy does he have a temper! He was to be feared and obeyed, lest he choose to strike you down.  His son, Jesus, was a much nicer fellow, whom I always viewed as the kind-hearted ambassador who kept his father from smashing us like bugs. In short, my previous experiences with male divinity and masculinity have not been positive. As a result, I struggle with approaching the male side of the divine right now. It will take time for me to learn how to reclaim the divine masculine.

Conversely, the female side of divinity is completely new to me. The notion that women may have divine status as well is incredibly empowering and has already had a huge impact on me. Instead of being stuck as the gender which led Adam astray (and, as a result, cast the whole world into sin), we may see ourselves as the beautiful, good beings that we are. The Goddess has always appears as a mother-figure to me. She offers warmth, love, nourishment, and protection like a good mother does for her children. This aspect of the divine is what I need to heal my hurts and help me as I change and grow into who I am meant to be. I find great joy in discovering the divine feminine.

I am a huge fan of balance. I find it is very important in my own life; I’ve seen the damage caused by imbalance in my life and the lives of others. At some point in the future, I will embrace a more balanced approach to the divine – embracing both the female and male aspects equally – but I’m not ready for that yet. And the divines know that and understand, as my vision so kindly reminded me. The God is waiting for me, patiently, knowing that I will one day find and reclaim him in my life.

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Feeling really out of balance tonight. Probably has something to do with the food I ate at lunch today. A kind relative invited me over for an Easter dinner. The food was made with love but full of processed ingredients, which makes my body feel ill. When my body feels ill, my spirit often feels ill too. I can’t do much for my body, so I’m focusing on my spirit. Found a nice playlist of music on youtube with pagan-themed lyrics. The music is very hypnotic, probably because it’s a lot like chanting, with simple accompaniment that makes it even more peaceful. I believe I’ll light some incense too. Most incense makes my asthma go crazy, but I found some that’s very natural and it doesn’t bother me. It’s so soothing and nice smelling.

I watched a very moving documentary (I guess you would call it that) on Netflix the other day. It was called Mythic Journeys. I took some notes, so when I’m in the right frame of mind I’ll compile my thoughts together and share them with you. I highly suggest you find this documentary and watch it. It starts out a bit oddly, but once you get the feel for where it is headed and hear the various speakers, I think you’ll find it full of wisdom and very beautiful. It has rekindled my life-long love and appreciation for mythology.

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