Pagan at Heart

At peace with myself and the world… or at least headed that way

Archive for the tag “meditation”

Tomorrow is Summer Solstice. How did that creep up on me so fast? I’m afraid this year’s celebrations of the Wheel of the Year are going to be sadly lacking. Pregnancy is pulling all my energy and limiting what I can do; funds are limited as well. We’re moving into a new apartment in a few weeks, which is exciting. It was just brought to me attention that I should plan on cleansing our current space before we leave and then cleansing the other space before we move into it. I’ve never done anything like this before, so when I get a chance I’m going to look around for ideas. I’d really like to get a bundle of sage for smudging, but we’ll see. 

Pregnancy has been magical, especially when I’ve made sure to be outdoors as much as possible. Meditation and some very basic yoga have also been very helpful in keeping me in the right head-space. I lost my connection for a few weeks, though, and it was depressing and hard – don’t want to let that happen again. I’ve run into a lot of issues I had not anticipated during this pregnancy, so most of my energy has been going to surviving rather than to being “earthy.” Earthy is the term I’ve chosen in place of “witchy,” as I don’t feel comfortable calling myself a witch. The sun is shining today, so hopefully it will work out for me and the three year old to get outside for a bit.

Happy Solstice to you!

Reclaiming the Divine

While meditating yesterday, I was drawn to focus on the image of a woman – the Goddess. She was smiling; I sensed that she was extending her hands to me she might teach me. As I took her hand, I saw the image of a man – the God – standing in the shadows. He too had a warm smile on his face, but he did not make any movement toward me. He nodded at me and seemed to tell me that he was content to wait until I was ready to seek him out. And then the vision was gone.

My background is dominated by patriarchal religious fundamentalism of the Baptist flavor. Men are venerated over women in the Bible, which is a reflection of the people who wrote it. This way of life – patriarchy – was taught to me at church, at the school I attended from K-4 through 12th grade, and at the Baptist college I attended. The god of the Bible is male, and boy does he have a temper! He was to be feared and obeyed, lest he choose to strike you down.  His son, Jesus, was a much nicer fellow, whom I always viewed as the kind-hearted ambassador who kept his father from smashing us like bugs. In short, my previous experiences with male divinity and masculinity have not been positive. As a result, I struggle with approaching the male side of the divine right now. It will take time for me to learn how to reclaim the divine masculine.

Conversely, the female side of divinity is completely new to me. The notion that women may have divine status as well is incredibly empowering and has already had a huge impact on me. Instead of being stuck as the gender which led Adam astray (and, as a result, cast the whole world into sin), we may see ourselves as the beautiful, good beings that we are. The Goddess has always appears as a mother-figure to me. She offers warmth, love, nourishment, and protection like a good mother does for her children. This aspect of the divine is what I need to heal my hurts and help me as I change and grow into who I am meant to be. I find great joy in discovering the divine feminine.

I am a huge fan of balance. I find it is very important in my own life; I’ve seen the damage caused by imbalance in my life and the lives of others. At some point in the future, I will embrace a more balanced approach to the divine – embracing both the female and male aspects equally – but I’m not ready for that yet. And the divines know that and understand, as my vision so kindly reminded me. The God is waiting for me, patiently, knowing that I will one day find and reclaim him in my life.

Article: Being in Nature

Article: Being in Nature

I love experiences like the author describes here. I’m really bad about allowing myself to disappear somewhere and just be, though. Anything like this feels selfish – taking the time for myself, not using it to do something productive – and “selfish” is still flagged as evil in my post-Christian brain. Also, allowing myself to relax and focus on nature is all mystic and stuff, which is another thing my post-Christian brain has flagged as evil. *sigh Most everything about being Pagan still alarms me at some level because of my fundamental Christian background. Letting myself be pagan causes me to worry if I’m just acting, if what I’m doing is silly, or any number of doubtful, worrisome things.

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